Small Bunkers // Protective Spaces
written during the 2020 in the first lockdown.
I have always been claustrophobic. Nightmares of being trapped, walls closing in, unable to see and unable to move have haunted me since my early childhood. Paradoxically, as I am trapped within my house, I have spent hours searching for small, hidden places that I can squeeze myself into. Places that have walls on all sides, hidden spaces with very little space. Within these places I feel safe and comfortable in the knowledge of my entrapment, like a womb. Perhaps I like going in these places because I have the control over when I leave and once you leave a small space the room outside it feels much bigger, a seemingly open and free place to roam around. These places are also often undisturbed by the other occupants of the household – maybe that is it – I’m simply trying to find a place they won't bother me, a game of hide and seek only I know we are playing. However, the stakes feel higher, finding these places doesn’t feel like a game it feels desperate.
An unnoticed cupboard, left undisturbed for years, is the pinacol of protective capsules. - the words hiding space are not sufficient for what I want to describe, because I don’t feel like I am hiding, simply protecting myself. Hiding spots are fun; protective bunkers are necessary for survival.